Sunday, December 7, 2008

Welcome to my creative outlet!! I am excited to share a bit of myself with you. It has been an interesting adventure that has brought me here, and believing that everything happens for a reason and that when the Lord does something big in your life you should share it, I feel the need to tell my story.

A year and a half ago, when my daughter was born, I went through the usual time of adjustment to being a new mother. But I couldn't quite shake the feeling that I was no longer myself, that my purpose was unclear. Knowing that feelings can't be trusted, I prayed for guidance and peace and received....silence. I told the Lord all about my woes, and got nothing. Nothing while I struggled with my feelings of inadequacy and loss. Nothing while I plodded through day after day of being not at all comfortable in my new role and not at all sure of what, if anything, I was doing right. Nothing while I labored under guilt at missing my life before baby when I had a beautiful, healthy, happy, precious baby that I had desperately wanted. And through it all I told God all about it. I did A LOT of talking.

My husband and I moved from Florida back to Texas for a short time, and the move was supposed to make me "all better": we were going home, and that would fix everything, right? Not so much. I found myself struggling again - still - but in a different way. Now it was a matter of living in a very familiar place, but for such a short time that we were hesitant to join a local church, find a solid group of friends, put down some roots. Needless to say, my relationship with the Lord was suffering. I was lonely, bored, and sedentary. And sad. We eventually moved back to Florida, then back to Texas. At this point I was miserable. Floundering. And thinking that what I needed had to be out there somewhere, that I just had to find it or I would go crazy. Crazier than I already was, anyway. I'd always been creative, crafty, looking for new ways to use my hands and make things. Now suddenly my creativity was being channeled into trying to figure out how to keep my baby happy, invent new ways to get her to eat when she didn't want to, and be what my husband needed. Not much time to be artsy when you're worried that you're going nuts.

Have you ever known something but not claimed it? Gone your whole life genuinely believing something is true but not practicing it? Well, I can't put my finger on an exact time, but somewhere along the line I stopped talking....and started listening to the Lord. He revealed something, and it was one of those things that I already knew but hadn't really claimed. There was nothing out there that I needed. I already had it. Jesus lives in me, and He's always had the answers, but I was too self-centered and self-focused that I couldn't listen to all the good advice I was getting: that I couldn't fix anything, do anything, on my own. That God knows my every insecurity, my every fear. He is bigger than all of that and able to handle it much better than I ever could. And He's given me a gift in the creativity I so enjoyed, so I need to use it, make time for it, and find a way to enjoy it again. It's important to have something to get excited about every day, no matter how small it is.

About that time, my best friend, my big sister, introduced me to my new outlet. She taught me how to make these necklaces and suddenly I had my something to look forward to and be excited about. I made a whole bunch, excited about the possibility to adding a little income to what my husband brings home. And suddenly it was about more than making jewelry, more than making money. God had done something big in my life, and I needed to share not only my story but the product of His help, the small, suddenly not so insignificant thing He used to bring me back to the land of the living.

We moved to North Carolina just a month ago. And although we left family and friends and moved to a new state with lots of unknowns, I am excited for the possibility of a new start. A fresh outlook. I know the Lord ministers to hearts in unexpected ways, so my prayer is that my blessing will be a blessing to you.


Crista Merrell said...

I am just so proud of you......Keep listening, dear. He's got lots and lots to say to you. Enjoy your gift from Him and continue to use it to bless others.

Love you. Teta

Susana M Kepner said...

You are creative... I love all the options you have here. I love mine!!!!

Besitos - Susie & Peanut

Lisa Johnson said...

You are an amazing woman, wife, and momma! I am so honored to call you friend and blessed to have you as my sister in Christ. Your necklaces are absolutely beautiful and I LOVE the one I already have, but I'm going to need more soon! :) I can't wait to see you again soon!

PS. Tell Mae Mae she better get to blogging! :)

arc10912 said...

Way to go.... I am so happy that you have found you. It is always a hectic search to find importance in your life after having a little one. Your necklaces are BEAUTIFUL and I am so gald that you will be using this new gift to spread God's word! I love you and am praying for you...

Lots of Love